Yeah, here we are, day….I don’t even know anymore. Already. Feels like a lifetime already. Realty, it has been days. Many more days to come. I wasn’t even going to come here and write, because, to be honest, I figured it would be what everyone is doing. What would I even have to say that would be different? That would matter? Who knows, but when that little voice in my head prompts me to come here and get it all out, I listen.
None of us, I am guessing, would have imagined even in our worse nightmares that we would be in the midst of a pandemic with most everything in our world around us closed down. Most of the time I am trying to do the every day normal things. But even those aren’t normal anymore…the new normal you say? No not normal…just what has to be done. Cleaning has been supercharged. It is just something we need to do to try to keep this virus away. I have tried to read a book, but after a few pages, I don’t want to do that. I could knit, sew, but I don’t feel like doing that. Baking? Yup, we have done that. Trying not to too much, because you know, if it is here, it is taunting me to partake of its deliciousness and I must listen! Why not? You KNOW I have already made my grandma’s coffee cake. It is the ultimate comfort food for me.
So I had started exercising regularly last October….late in life too, but never too late. It started a few minutes and ended up by the time I finished the game, and hour to an hour and a half. Game done, I wasn’t. Started over at a much higher intensity level, and now I have increased to twice a day also. THIS has seemed to help me a lot. Keeps me away from the computer and all of the news,
Ugh, the computer and the news. It is sad and it is maddening and it is frightening. I won’t make this political, but oh, I could. Right now, it should JUST be about the people of this world and helping and getting through this.
Now…I miss so much already. Going to breakfast every Sunday with my son. Coffee with my sister every week. Just running to the store when I needed to and not worrying about staying 6 feet away and worrying about touching something or cleaning everything enough. I want to stay in a hotel, go out to eat, have experiences. I want my new floor and bathroom done that was postponed. I want to go in with my cat to the vet when he is going through a new diabetes diagnosis and checks. I want visits and hugs. I don’t want to worry about everyone and think about my daughter in her apartment all alone and not being able to go out for her normal.
Humans are really social creatures, aren’t we? I struggle with the knowledge that they are so many out there struggling with the world right now and knowing, that none of us can can visit, and we can’t give or get that hug we so very much need. I hope we all can manage as the days go on and turn into weeks and possible more.
If you are reading this and got this far, I hope you know how much you mean to me. I hope happy peaceful days for you. I pray you never lose hope. If you live alone right now, I hope you find a way to stay connected with those you love. I know it isn’t a substitute for actual the physical connection…but for now, I hope it is enough. If you are struggling, I hope you can find a way to be happy, to put one foot in front of the other, to know that you are loved and we will, some day, hopefully soon, come out the other side as kinder, better humans.