Forgiving. Forgiveness. Just Who Is It For?

Yesterday’s blog got me to thinking about some things.  I was thinking about the last year plus for a couple of us and the topic of forgiveness kept coming into my mind.  I kept thinking about a lot of the aspects of it and well, here I am back again!

So you hear a LOT about forgiveness and how it is for YOU and NOT the person you are forgiving.  Do you believe that is true?  Think about a time you forgave someone. Did you feel better?  Why or why not?  I remember a long time ago after my stepfather passed I thought it was time to let some resentment and bad feelings go.  I tried to many times.  I said it out loud. I ‘think’ I forgave him.  At the time.  But there are times I still can feel some of those old feelings.  They are different.  I am pretty sure I have let it go.  But that life is probably nothing I will look back fondly on.

So I am thinking about myself and this forgiveness thing connected to my last year or so.  And it is TOUGH.  Sometimes I think, I don’t want to forgive. Do you think that lets them off the hook?  Do you really feel forgiving someone is just for you?  I am trying to get that.  What benefit is it to you? Of course to let those feelings go, to forgive, maybe then you can move on. I dunno.  I struggle. Some days it feels like if I forgive someone it DOES let them off the hook. Then it just doesn’t benefit you, right?  Doesn’t that benefit them, too.  Does it release them? And is that a bad thing?  I don’t believe that I am forgiving someone to let them off the hook at all.  I do think if you don’t it might block healing for yourself or the ability to move on.  Not necessarily from that person, but in your life. I absolutely believe that forgiving and forgetting are absolutely two different subjects.  Even if we forgive, I don’t believe we ever forget.  Sometimes the hurt that people cause is so deep, so ingrained that we can’t forget.  The walls go up and it changes a lot of things. The ability to trust, to love.  Not just others, but just maybe ourselves too.

What about forgiving ourselves?  That one for me is tougher.  What about you? No one needs to beat up on me for things, because I can do that better than anyone. Deserved or not. We are our own worse critics, are we not?

I just know that I need to work on this forgiveness thing. It is truly scary.  Because if I forgive you and you hurt me again, in the same way, I am not sure I can forgive again. Not even for me. Yeah, I might need to work on that. But at the same time, I need to protect my heart and soul.

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I am curious as to everyone’s thoughts on forgiveness!  Share your thoughts below.

2 comments

  1. I really struggle with forgiveness. I hold on to it. I know I need to let things go, but I can’t seem to. I am sure I would feel better, but I guess I just know how to.

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