Wait! I am HOW Old Today?

I could say 14, because that is what I have done the last 14 years since my diagnosis and treatment of breast cancer.  I now have had 14 wonderful birthdays since then! But, what about all the other ones before?  Trust me, there has been a lot of those! 44 more of them! I cannot forget any of them! You know AARP?  Got that mail over 8 years ago.  Did we really fret about getting that one?  It meant that-gasp-we are now the big 5-0! Half a century.  Now I am that. Plus 8 more!

HOW did that happen? Yesterday I was counting the days until I graduated high school. Today that is almost 40 years ago! Yesterday, I was wondering if I would ever get married. Today, I have been for 30 years now. Yesterday, I wondered if I would have kids.  Today, I have 4.  The oldest will be 30 this year and the youngest is 24. It seems like yesterday, I was 24 and could not believe that my sister was 30! Oh my, she was so old, how could I have a 30 year old sister? Today, that is my kids!

I obviously don’t feel 58. But then I am trying to figure out just how old that is ‘supposed’ to feel. Maybe, I DO feel 58, because that is what I am.  Age is seriously, just a number to tell you how long you have been here on this earth. 58 doesn’t sound like such a long time now, does it?

Looking in the mirror is a whole other thing! The face I see is not the one I ‘feel’ when I am looking out of these eyes at the world.  It is odd and disconcerting sometimes to see the wrinkles or the skin that just doesn’t have that elasticity of years gone by. Why should that matter anyhow? It shouldn’t. It is a sad thing in this world, you get looked at or judged by how big or small you are, how pretty you are or not, by how young or old you are. I am here to tell you….it actually doesn’t matter. By this age, I have discovered, truly NONE of that matters. Your heart, your soul, that matters. Happiness, that matters.

And me? Despite all the trials and tribulations and losses in my life.

I am happy!

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