Thoughts and Musings….

That is my tagline here, isn’t it?  It seems, though, I have let life overwhelm me and I haven’t done much of it here lately.  It is not that I haven’t wanted to, it just seems some days, I sit here and think about writing too much and then I just can’t. Far away from the keyboard, I write all kinds of great things! Somehow, those things to disappear by the time I sit to share.

This year for me has been another tough, busy, emotional one so far. I imagine it has been for most  For if we are alive and living life, isn’t that just how it seems to be? This year just seems to be one that is all that, multiplied.  Unfortunately, it seems that reactions and emotions have multiplied too.  I often wonder, if I hadn’t been born with the amount of patience I was, just how much worse it might be.

So many times, I have said and wrote that you need to find the joy.  I need to remember that. Again. Every day.  I have let the clutter that is my reality right now not get to me.  You can’t walk anywhere in this house without running into something. I have let it overwhelm me at times. Sometimes, it makes me angry and sometimes it makes me cry.  I have read so much about how clutter can affect you and I truly believe it can have a negative affect on you.  I haven’t slept well in weeks. Bedroom? Cluttered.  It is storing what doesn’t fit in the living room.  The living room? Full. Cluttered. Sometimes I stand in it, trying to find something out of one of the totes. Or in more than one of the totes, and I just get so frustrated. I sometimes hear myself ranting about it, or crying about it. Have you ever stood outside yourself, so to speak, and wondered who that crazy person was? Have you wanted to tell them to just shut up or to just get over it? Yeah, I have. Often.  Especially lately.

It is ridiculous how worked up I can get over all this. I really have no control over the timeline as to when the rest of the things needing to be done will be.  A contractor can’t come until it rains and drives them inside. I can’t change the weather. I can change how I react to it. I can be frustrated, but then I can look at what IS done so far and be thankful. I am. Very much so. I need to verbalize THAT more than the other. I need to remember….I am grateful. What is done so far is beautiful. I am in awe it is the same place. No, it is not done yet, but it does give me something to look forward to, right?

I need to not get overwhelmed by the little things.  It does sometimes feel like they are much bigger right now when there is so much chaos and clutter. Is it worth it to get upset and verbalize every time someone doesn’t pick up after themselves. Is it worth it to complain about getting no help? I need to remember to ask nicely. I do say thank you. I just have to get back to my positive self.

I am thinking I just need a little break. Even getting out of the house to go do something helps.  I need a short trip. Some nature time.

IMG_23141401532_10151998161159769_1574149641_o

Most of all, I need to get back to positive. I need to find my joy in every day. I need to verbalize how grateful I am more.

Clutter or not. Unfinished remodeling project or not. The craziness of life. THAT stuff will no longer have power over me!

Today. I AM joyful. I AM happy.

I AM

grateful!

16 comments

  1. I agree with you on how ‘clutter’ affects your life! about 15 yrs ago, my husband was working from home. he started out in the ‘dining room’ setting up his office. The out of control clutter ended up getting to me! i’d constantly TRY to keep up with the clutter, so i wouldnt be embarassed to have people over! the last straw was when i worked 3 days in a row..to get the office looking perfect and that fourth day…it looked like i did NOTHING! I sat in the middle of the room..after pushing things out of my way to do so! and i cried. i screamed and threw a temper tantrum! I had enough! I banished my husbands office to the basement! that at least had a DOOR! out of sight the majority of the time. he spent years down there until the clutter grew and grew…and i found myself chronically ill. I broke down crying on night and told him…THIS is making me ILL! I cant live like this anymore! something needs to be done or i think i really will be dead in a few years. we worked for 1 hour every night , I had him promise to give me only that! not 1 min more, i promised him i WOULD stop in 1 hour! not trick him into more..so we both commited. and after 5 months of hard work, we had organized everything! got rid of 12 trash bags of papers!! filed important papers. and removed all the excess computers/parts/screws, floppys, discs everything! we rented a building for him to open his own business and i have my HOME back! my health is in remission now. no surprise! the constant stress the clutter was causing me was keeping me in chronic pain! I was
    out of balance. right now we are living thru a remodel also and i feel those barriers sneaking back up. the ‘overwhelming feelings’ you mention! i walk into the cluttered area wanting to clean it, but im overwhelmed by it all and i am frozen in place. tears streaming down my face. see its not MY stuff so i dont know where to put it! how can i clean it! life is hard right now, but i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Im not the best I can be when i feel out of control of my life.

    • I have been in the standing amongst it all wanting to clean it, not knowing where to put anything, because there is no where to. I have vowed when this is done to declutter EVERYTHING. I read to not just start in one spot, but to do everything at once and that kind of makes sense. I could easily rent another dumpster and fill it and just might. I don’t understand why or how we get so much STUFF! That out of control feeling is definitely not a good one! Good luck to you….and hugs!

  2. We did a renovation years ago that only lasted a few months but I still remember how awful it all was – you have my deepest sympathy! It will end eventually and then you can put everything back together again and breathe. In the meantime I truly hope you keep finding things to be joyful about to keep you afloat 🙂

  3. Let the clutter go! Vow to do one room at a time! Don’t get bogged down in by reading every word of every thing in all of those totes. If they’ve been there for a while, you obviously haven’t needed them. Just the act of purging yourself of clutter will lighten your mood and change the way you approach your day. Just do it!! BTW, I did the same thing, for the same reasons, a month ago. Much better! Brenda Coffee

  4. Your post felt like something I wish I could have written. SO much of what you said parallels my life now. I am wanting to write. Needing to let “It all out and I can’t. Joy…I have brief moments of it. Nothing lasting. My moods are all over the place.
    I am craving friends yet want to be alone in my solitude.
    Trying to Spring Clean…To De-clutter. I only seem to be adding to it. Where to put STUFF I have nowhere to STORE it except in the spare room. The room I want for myself.
    I love your writings. Your photos. Have a gentle weekend

    • Thanks! Wow, all you wrote, sounds just like me!! I have read to write you just sit and do it. I have tried that…I sit and look at a blank screen and keyboard. It seems I need to be inspired more to write than just sit and do it!

      • I use to be able to write and write and write. I could go on for pages and say everything I wanted to. Migraines and other issues have stopped a lot of that. My lack of JOY and Peace right now stop the rest.
        It is really hard for me because I can’t “Talk” like I want to.
        My mind talks constantly. My voice is silent. The words just don’t come.
        I am Bored with my life.
        I look outside and see a prison sometimes.
        I still see the beauty but it doesn’t feel real any more.
        Does that make any sense?

  5. Yes! As a stacker/piler/clutterer (and aspiring hoarder at this point), I feel you. I have recognized many times that I need to clear out space, and I get started and give up. A lovely blogger in another group I belong to did this inspiring post about how she cleared space, and ended up making an amazing new office in her home because of it… http://thegetfitdiva.com/2015/05/wellness-wednesday-tidying-up-marie-kondo/ – I’m glad that you are finding your happiness. It’s a conscious effort, and being able to recognize and respond to your own needs is a blessing 🙂

    • I am SO looking forward to clearing space….I can only imagine how much better it will feel…I need to start now, even if the remodel is waiting for rain to be finished!! I will definitely check out that post! Thanks!

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