This has turned out to be already one of the most trying weeks of my life. Sunday night and Monday morning we said good -bye (see you later!) to Amy. Her Celebration of Life was the most beautiful funeral I have ever been to. Our blogger group went together, sat together, leaned on each other. Yesterday we mentioned songs and music and not wanting to go to any more funerals.
At lunch time we were talking about songs, or reminders. I told them about the time I went to my cousins wedding, and it was time for the father/daughter dance. Daddy’s Little Girl played. I sobbed. My big brother put his arm around me and said, ‘Sometimes, you just can’t listen.’ ‘Sometimes, you just can’t help it, I replied.’ After lunch, I went home and needed to run to the store. I needed some normal routine. On the way home, “Turn, Turn, Turn,” by the Byrds came on my radio…you know the one… a time for every purpose under heaven. To laugh, to weep, to be born, to die…. I assumed it was a message about Amy. I am pretty sure now, I was wrong.
Last night my phone rang. It was one of my sisters. I immediately knew something was up. I was right. She said the words….”John died.” I knew I heard it wrong. I said WHAT? Yes, she said, my niece had called and our brother had died. There were few details, but at that point, details were the last thing I wanted. All I knew was that I no longer had a brother. My heart started racing, feeling like it was going to explode. I started shaking and didn’t quit for a long time. The sobs came and they still do. The reality doesn’t want to sink in. He was supposed to come back home this spring to visit us all. I was supposed to get another big brother hug like the last time I saw him after too long away. I remember hugging him and saying “I love you, you are my big brother.” We had recently been visiting more on Facebook and by email. He had recently started connecting with our ‘long lost’ family from my dad’s side.
This isn’t fair. Not one little bit. I feel lost. I feel like I have never felt before. I have lost many people in my life, but never my brother.
My brother was a quiet kind loving man. I know he was affected a lot by losing dad so young. We all were, but I know it has to be different for a son than it is a daughter. I hope he is already getting to know him, I just wish it wasn’t now.
He fiercely loved his family. His wife. Four daughters, one son and a LOT of grandchildren! There are a lot of us that will miss him in our lives, each in our own way.
I often talk about life being too short. I am tired of the reminders that it is. I really don’t need any more of them! Please, be kind to others. Life is about loving each other. What else is there that matters? Nothing.
This is a picture from the last time I saw him. It was after another sad funeral. It was after I got that last brother hug. I never imagined I would never see him again.
I already miss you big brother….I love you. Always have. Always will.
It is now, my time to weep…..
Joy, it’s so hard to lose a sibling. I lost one brother 11 years ago to cancer at age 43 and another three years later to heart disease at age 50. I miss both of them every day. Please know I’m thinking of you.
It is harder than I imagined….So sorry to hear you have lost 2 so young. thank you!
Joy, I am so sorry about your brother. My husband lost his brother last spring. It is really hard. Thinking of you at this difficult time.
Thanks! It is incredibly hard!
I am so sorry you lost your brother and are experiencing so much heart break this week. Sending you lots of love and prayers and hugs.
Thank you so much ! It has been a tough week…seems like it should be later than Tuesday! I will take the love and prayers and hugs! Love you!
Love you too!
I am so very sorry that you lost your brother and are going through unimaginable grief. I can not imagine how difficult that phone call was. You are and will remain in my prayers. I love you and am so glad that you are in my life. Take care of yourself, please.
Thank you…darn, now I am crying again…that is okay….been doing that a lot today!!! I am still in shock. and thank you for the prayers! Love you too!
Really well written Joy! I can’t even imagine how this feels. I remember John from many years ago. He was always handsome, very sweet and shy. Much love Cuz!
Thanks Pam!! It is something I can’t even describe….and didn’t expect for sure! Love you!
I’m so so sorry for your heart break and loss! You are in my prayers and will be for a long time to come! Hugs!
Thank you so so much!!!
Joy,
I am so sorry you lost a special man in your life. I lost my mother when she was 22 and my brother at the age of 29. One of the most painful things to go through. My heart aches for you snd your family. Healing thoughts to you and your family.
Thanks Kim! It is so very very hard!! (Your mom and brother were much much too young!!)
Thinking of you, Joy… you have had way too much pain to the start of your week. Hold tight to the special memories.
Thank you so much! I sure will…just wish it was more than that! 😦
I’m so sorry for your loss Joy. You are in my thoughts and prayers! Love you!
Thank you! Love you too!
I am so sorry to hear about your brother Joy. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs!
Thank you so much!