On The Eve of Your 27th Birthday

To Jamie:

I have been waiting to write this until your actual birthday, which is tomorrow, but as I was sitting here, thinking of it, of you, I decided to write it today-on the eve of your 27th birthday!

It seems like yesterday when we decided to have a second child.  The first one was so easy. You were on your way almost right away!  From the beginning, as it seems to go with subsequent pregnancies and children, nothing was the same.  People thought by looking at me, you were going to be twins! You were just my biggest baby at almost 10 pounds. The birth was different, as they used a vacuum extractor and you had to be revived right after birth.  Little did we know how much more would end up being different!

You slept through the night almost right away. Were a great baby.  It was easy to see things weren’t quite ‘right’ from then on, though.  Mostly, I noticed that you didn’t start to talk like your brother did. (And NO he wasn’t talking for you!) You would lead me to things with your hand. We found out early about your disability. I hopped into action from day one! I don’t know where it came from, but I must have dug deep and became the voice and advocate that was needed to get you what YOU needed.

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I believed in inclusion and fought for it always! Kids were always wonderful, adults not so much.  We have had so many adventures over the years people have asked me to write a book-now with your permission I plan on doing just that!  I know telling your story will bring me to tears, will make me laugh, will give me pride!

27 years have gone by.  TWENTY SEVEN YEARS!  So long ago, I could not imagine what all those years would bring.

I sometimes, just sometimes, still wonder…what if?  Where would you be? What job would you have picked? And your kids, you would have had.  I can barely think about that without my heart truly breaking. I wonder what we would have talked about all these years.  What conversations would we have held? What opinions and feelings do you hold that I will never hear? I can only wonder about these things sometimes. It can be too painful.

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Another reason is, I never ever want to take away from who you are.  Because who you are is wonderful!  You are a handsome, funny, kind, smart person! I know anyone who has had the pleasure of meeting you, never forgets you! You have been a teacher your whole life. To others. To me. I love that I get to be your mom. You have been a true gift to me!

I hope on your birthday, you enjoy your cake, your gifts and your day!

I hope most of all, not only on your birthday, but always that you know how much you are loved.

And I wish for you, always, to have love and happiness in your life.

Thank you for bringing it to mine!

Mom

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