Seems that sums me up pretty good. I am an emotional person. Which leads to being misunderstood a lot.
For some reason, my whole life, I have been a crier. I cry when happy. I cry when sad. I cry when mad. All.the.time. And if you think that is an easy way to be, let me assure you it isn’t. The one I dislike the most is crying when mad! I remember once at a job my boss made me feel so bad and the things he was saying made me mad. What did I do? CRY! Ugh!
Hand in hand with this is feelings…strong ones. For just about everything. I call it passionate about what I feel and what I believe in. Some might think I am being self centered, hard headed, unyielding…. I am none of that. The things I believe in, feel about, I just do it so deeply and strongly. Sometimes I can be misunderstood. It is frustrating and can cause a lot of hurt.
I have been called outspoken. Is that a bad thing? Seems as when some speak about me, it is. It is funny. My whole life I was the quiet one. At home, at school, with friends. Life happened and I had to become a voice for my son. I found my voice for other things too. I had to. Maybe all those years of silencing it made it come out a bit stronger when it finally did.
People may not know, but truly, inside, behind that voice is someone still quite fragile.
When I am talked about or things are said about me, if someone says things hurtful, I internalize them. Deeply inside. Probably carry them forever. I am told to forget it, don’t let it bother me. It is not possible. I am who I am and I guess sometimes that gets me in ‘trouble’ and somehow, I end up hurt. Do I want to be emotional? Not this much. I envy those who are not. It hasn’t been an easy way to be. Ever.
Sometimes, I think I need to go back to that lonely quiet life I used to lead. It was easier.
I find it interesting that people make so many assumptions about others. All of us do! Maybe we should learn to take a step back to learn just a bit more about the person. Maybe there is a reason for who they are, how they are…and maybe they are not anything like you think at all. Why do we assume the worse about someone first? Why not assume the best?
So, I can make no apologies as to who I am and how I am. No matter how much I don’t like it, it just is. I feel things a little too deeply, I get mad too quickly, I get sad and I cry too easily.
I just wish many days..it was different, I was different. Words should heal, make you laugh, make you feel loved. I want words to not have so much power over me. And I never want mine to be taken wrong…
I hope we can all remember the impact of our words on others! Sometimes it just might be deeper than you would imagine!