Hello to all! Its been longer since I have been here than intended! But you know, sometimes, life just happens!
It is early in the morning as I write this, as soon, I will be headed out to visit my husband in HIS hospital bed.
As I sat on the ‘other’ side of that bed this time, I got to thinking how it was for him and my friends and family to be sitting in that position so many years ago. My answer to myself, is that it isn’t easy. Not one bit. As a matter of fact, I think it is pretty tough. I am not surprised.
I always had a hunch that as a patient, it was easier. I don’t mean the medical part of all this, at all, obviously. And I don’t even mean the mental part of dealing with what happened to you. I am talking simply about what it feels to be actively doing something, or to not be, depending on why you are in that bed, compared to having to sit and watch your loved one going through all that testing, or operations, or whatever. THAT is what I am thinking about!
When I was diagnosed, had all my tests, my operations, etc, it was hard for me, of course. I was an active participant. But I could only imagine at the time, what it was like for everyone else to be waiting, to sit and listen to doctors, to watch what I was going through.
Recently, I ‘got’ to find out. My husband, at his young age was hit with a stroke. He is suddenly the one going through all the tests and things and I am the one in the waiting chair. It is a whole different ball game from there. It has been one of the hardest things for me, to sit and to listen to all the findings, to listen to even, how much worse it could have been. It is hard to sit in when he is doing therapies and to see his struggles. It breaks my heart to see how at times, he realizes just what he is dealing with.
I always had the theory that even though you may be the one in that bed dealing with an illness, or injury or whatever, that sometimes it might be easier to be that one…you are actively dealing with it. I always knew it would be hard to watch your loved one going through what they were. I have had to do it a couple times….this time has been the first where it was my spouse.
My heart has hurt, my eyes have leaked now and then! I remember the first night, I slept-or tried to – at the hospital and I kept thinking…HOW did we get here right now. Just yesterday, he was going to work, we were doing the stuff we do every single day. And now…here we were. A lot of unknowns and things again, changed forever. One of his therapists or doctors, I don’t remember now, told him, that as of the day this happened, he is forever a different person. I know how that is. That is why I turned 12 on my last birthday! This me did, at least!
So I have been on both sides of that hospital bed and each is a struggle in its own way. Have you ever found yourself at different times on each side? I wonder how it was for you….which side do you find easier?
On a side note….this is one of his motivations for getting better….
and trust me, its a BIG one! I can’t imagine as the weather is getting better that we won’t we just hopping on that for ride after ride. I can’t imagine how he will deal with that once he gets home! But as I always say-one day at a time.
And of course…find your joy in every day! Be happy. You never know what the next day will bring. Life is much too short! Tell your loved ones that you love them, let them know how much they mean to you. You never know when that opportunity will no longer be there!