Or…Feeling alone in every situation.Image

Or Are You a Socially Awkward Penguin?

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Get the idea? Are you someone who is uncomfortable in social situations? Do you always feel like the outsider in any situation? Do you find yourself feeling alone even in a crowd?

Welcome to my world.

You would think that by my age, it wouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter what other people think, or if they care I am with them, or if they act like they are glad to see me or if I am even there. But it does.  I think it is just a human thing. Wanting to belong. Wanting to matter. Wanting to be noticed..or even just acknowledged.

I will give you some situations and share with you how I feel. I have a feeling some of you may be surprised.

I have never been comfortable at parties.  I was never the party girl, never knew how to just let loose. I always felt awkward and still do. I was never the funny one, the cute one…I was usually the quiet one. The wallflower.  (The one thing that is great for, though, is people watching. Which is fascinating, btw!) I have never been one that people gravitate to. More likely I am the one they can’t remember being there!

I feel like an outsider at family gatherings. I always have.  Again, not the one people tend to gravitate to. Not the one they seem to have missed. Not the one they look for to sit and talk to.

I bet many of you are thinking right now…why don’t I just go out and seek people, sit with them, talk with them.  I do. I have. It is awkward. I feel like I am imposing. I feel like someone just sitting there. That I am wandering looking for what, I don’t know.

When I go places with others, I always feel like that outsider.  It can be on rides for our motorcycle group. Or a gathering of my Clay friends. I don’t know if I feel like I came late to the game, or if it is because they are just closer, or as in the motorcycle group, it is because I don’t actually ride one.  Sometimes I feel looked on as not as important.

I sat at home yesterday alone. I didn’t have anyone to call or anyone to hang out with. Sometimes feeling like this makes for a truly lonely existence. If you have never experienced any of what this is like then I am sure you don’t understand.

You might say. Just call someone. Just talk to someone. Jump in. Be a part of it.

That is it. I can’t. When I do, I feel again, awkward, silly, stupid, embarrassed…you get the picture! Not an easy way to be….

So maybe next time you are in a group, at a party, hanging out, or whatever and you are talking and laughing with the same people, you might take a minute to remember us socially awkward penguins…we may be quiet or not be as engaged…but it isn’t that we don’t want to be, it might be that we just don’t know how to be.

I think in some way, we all really do just want to belong.